TV HOST ZOLTAR ZAYS: FIGHTING FOR HIS LIFE!

At a rushed press conference this afternoon a tearful Chuck Speed, President of the KKL Network told reporters that TV reality star Zoltar Zays, is said to be recovering in hospital today from “severe injuries” after being attacked by the El Pollo Loco Crew yesterday at the Sunburst Hotel near New York’s JFK’s airport. 

Zoltar, and his ambushing crew,  were set upon in a frenzied, violent, vicious and cowardly attack which has left his cameraman and sound operator fighting for their lives. Zoltar has fared much worse and endured a marathon 28-hour operation to repair a grocery-list of sickening injuries, which doctors say, include: ”a collapsed lung, ruptured spleen, a punctured left ear-drum, two broken arms, a broken knee-cap, three cracked vertebrae, eight broken ribs, a fractured collar-bone, a shattered hip, a crushed ankle, deep lacerations to his hands, neck, calve and thigh muscles; a hair-line fracture to the skull, dozens of hen-pecked wounds to the ears, forehead, chin, cheeks, eyes and throat – and his nose – that had to be completely sewn back on.”

Zoltar Zays struck fame when he exposed to the world the secret to Donald Trumps ‘fold-over’ hairline. He was given his own show on the KKL Network and made a fortune out of his harmless “surprise makeover raids”. The show was planning to air the “El Pollo Locco make-over episode” in two weeks, but now local police, FBI and the CIA are gearing-up for a nation-wide manhunt for the desperate gang of thieves that have inflicted this cowardly unprovoked attack.

A spokesman for the  KKL Network issued this statement: “Zoltar is a one-of-a-kind talent, he will be back better than ever. I hope the cowards that did this are brought to justice, they have no sense of fun; we are all praying that Zoltar makes a speedy recovery.”

   THE DARK NIGHT,  JULY 14TH

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

http://thedarkknight.warnerbros.com/

    PEEP’S GUARANTEE

Spot the difference: Cuban or Rainman?

Hollywood can smell franchise-money with Mark Cuban’s 2929 Productions snapping up sequel rights to the eighties hit “Rainman”. But Dustin Hoffman will not be reprising his role that garnered him an Oscar for Best actor in the 1988 smash hit.        www.netflix.com 

So, to the surprise of many, Mark Cuban has stepped up to the plate, boldly stating that he will fill the shoes of autistic savant “Raymond ‘Rainman’ Babbit” made famous by Hoffman.

Tom and I met and spoke about the film last week and the hole left by Hoffman’s sudden departure.  After about ten minutes in, Tom suddenly jumped to his feet and shouted out: “Oh my God,  I got it, you should play “Rainman!” “We sat down and watched the original film”  Cuban said “and we were both struck by the startling similarities between myself and Rainman”. “Tom said, from what he’d seen, that I was definitely up to the challenge of playing and idiot [Savant].

Skeptical Hollywood pundits have been left scratching their heads at the bizarre move, and Cuban has been copping his fair share of ridicule since making the surprise announcement two days ago. However studio chief, Sumner Redstone, has applauded the daring move. “I think it’s a great decision by Mark Cuban. Have you ever seen a side-by-side comparison of the two, they could be twins. Should be a huge success!”  He exclaimed. www.netflix.com

Let’s hope this box office prediction proves true, or Cuban could wind up in Vegas counting cards like his famous namesake.

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE: CUBAN/RAINMAN

BUY RAINMAN ON DVD AT BELOW LINK

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095953/