May 26, 2008 by Jim Bhat

CIA Director Gene Greensleeves™ has laughed off reports that he was leading an investigation into a crashed UFO. Reports surfaced last week, after a New Jersey private eye, Dick Drippingly™made the bizarre allegations that, not only was the CIA “covering up the crash”, but also, currently “tracking the Alien pilot” across the country. “This makes the  Roswell incident look like a picnic”  stated Drippingly when interviewed on yesterday morning’s WABC drive time. 

He went on to say that ”not only was the alien infiltration known at the ‘highest levels of Government’, but a Senator’s son (not named) had also been kidnapped by the Alien, sparking a massive search across two states spearheaded by the F.B.I .”

Greensleeves said Drippingly’s assertions were “assinine”, prompting this curt reply from the detective: “He called me the ‘ass!?’  I think the reverse is true. I’ve been a P.I. for 25 years, Greensleeve’s involved in a massive cover-up! Trust me, as a seasoned  ‘dick’, I can always spot an ‘ass’!”

The FBI was unavailable for comment at press time.

                      Watch this!  www.xfiles.com   IN THEATRES JULY 25