The Washington Post- Tom Durong Sunday May 25, 09:31 AM
A press conference held this morning at the Marriot’s grand ballroom by the mysterious and controversial doctor, Earnest Bukakki™, outlined his plans for “Apeshit Construction”. The new enterprise will be shepherded by his long-term assistants, Andy™ and Geoffrey™. Bukakki pressed on, in at times ‘vague detail’, to present the full gamut of the new venture’s planned operations. ”It will handle a diverse slate”, he stated including the construction of “ships, skyscrapers, homes, power-plants, trains, planes, motorcycles, umbrellas, seesaws and time-machines” . Apeshit plans to tackle the environmental problems head on, the ex-surgeon continued ”with new and secret initiatives designed to help heal planet earth, whilst at the same time, building infrastructure vital for our future.” “Going green” will be Apeshit’s watchword” he stated this morning. 
When the two former bellhops were asked for comment, Andy proceeded to defecate in his hand and hurl it at the reporters, while Geoffrey swung from the ballroom’s crystal chandelier and urinated on the guests. One female reporter fainted, leaving the obvious question begging: “was there a doctor in the house? if so, why’d he pass out bananas!”
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