“JACKSON USES GREASE!”

 

by Dan Fields                                                 

Attorney Richard Grease™ (made famous defending super-surgeon doctor Earnest Bukakki’s decision to leave over a billion dollars to a pair of chimps) yesterday unveiled his long-awaited strategy in his attempt to sway jury members into handing down a “not guilty” verdict in the disgraced singers latest sex scandal.  But it would appear the hype and promise was just that. 

In a display that one juror called  “amateurish” , Grease tried to paint his client as a “victim”, not a “predator”.  “Basically, the problem is this… ” Grease stated as he picked up a newspaper. “Twenty years ago, the headline was ‘JACKSON DOES MOONWALK’.” Grease picked up another paper. “Today, it’s: ‘JACKSON MOONS KID’. Some might see it as a legal problem. I see it as a PR problem and I hope you do to. Basically, my clients the meat in the sandwich. It might be a ‘sex sandwich’, but I’ve gotta get him out of it.” The question remains: “Is he Peter Pan? or Peter Pervert?”

Later in proceedings Grease countered the charges of “paedophile” with an astonishing outburst: “We can trace everything back to the father, he exclaimed. Michael was abused as a kid. Michael was over-worked as a kid. And worst of all, he was given the wrong name as a kid. Michael should have been called ‘Randy’!”

With a stone-faced judge and a unimpressed Jury,  Grease was heard at one point leaning over to his star client and whispering: “Jackson be nimble, Jackson be quick, Jackson better get out of the country quick-sticks!”

Closing arguments will be heard tomorrow.

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